I've no idea who suggested a weekend on a narrow boat but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Luckily none of the ten of us on the trip had thought about it in any terms other than - how much food do we need?, have we calculated the gin to tonic ratio correctly?, is it going to rain??...
We certainly hadn't thought just how long 70 feet was...
Friday 12 May
Everyone arrived and everything was transferred to the boat ready for our adventure.
Space was tight...
It seemed to work.
Then we were off with Capn Jeanette at the helm.
It seemed an appropriate time to open a few celebratory bottles and present bride-to-be Siobhan with the beautiful 'pre-hen party' cake that Janice had made for her.
After eating and enjoying her wonderful cake Janice informed us that the lovely edible jewels might have a laxative effect...
Thinking of the consequences of this Rosemary made a decision - use the boat loos for wees only wherever possible and try to save uummm... any other business for on shore stops... we all agreed with her.
Chris got a bit of a shock when she opened a window on the side of the boat and a swan popped its head through!
We soon began to realise just how LOOONG the boat was!
We also realised how easy it was to wedge a boat sideways by mistake across a canal!!
So off we zigzagged down the canal in a huge learning curve for all of us with only Janice, Pat and Rosemary having 'driven' a boat before - and with Rosemary out of action with a broken wrist!!
We soon found out that the most used piece of equipment on the boat would be the pole for pushing off from the bank when we got stuck.
The problem was that it was quite often wanted at both ends of the boat so the first time it was needed at the opposite end it was taken through the inside. We soon realised that this was not a sensible or practical thing to do so several of us became quite adept at clambering crabwise along the side of the boat pushing the pole from one end to the other, trying not to get our hands dirty!
Then we solved the problem to a large extent by deploying a mop at the pointy front end - we were very often less than a mop length away from the bank on many occasions during our learning curve so it was a very useful tool!
We had a shuffle round with the crew and kept on zigzagging along the canal as we all tried to get to grips with looking past where the boat seemed to be going and trying to remember to push the tiller TOWARDS where the boat was pointed to make it go in the opposite direction. And all the while remembering that if the looker-outer waved and said 'you're a bit tight on this side' (so technical all of this!) that you had to push the tiller the OPPOSITE way!
At this point we hadn't realised that the wind was also playing a part from time to time in blowing us off course too!
So we lurched and bumped our way onwards - and then we looked behind us to see the sky getting darker and darker and before we could say 'Looks like we're going to get one of those scattered sho....' it was upon us. A deluge...
... An absolute deluge which panicked us a bit as we tried to see our way through the murk which had descended in front of us. It started so quickly and came down so heavily that we had no time to prepare. Linda, Jeanette and Pat all had a bit of protection from light raincoats and others tried to bundle Janice and I into the Darth Vader wet weather macs provided on the boats as we soldiered on. But it was such a downpour that we were all soaked right through within seconds...
It stopped as quickly as it had started, leaving a beautiful rainbow. We changed crews again so that the wet gang could squelch off inside to check for trench foot and gills, wring out their socks and put their shoes and trousers to dry.
Just one hour into our adventure and the boat was already reeking and steaming gently with damp washing and half the crew looked like they'd just swum the channel. Hairstyles and coordinated outfits had already gone out of the window...
It's a hard life for a sailor!...Off we went again - being overtaken by people in canoes on the canal and walkers on the towpath at the side of us.
It was probably about this time that Rosemary consulted the ship's charts, did the calculations and announced that there wasn't the remotest chance that we were going to get anywhere near the pub in Congerstone where we had booked a table for the evening meal so we had to phone up, apologise and rebook for the following evening when we would (hopefully!) be in that area again.
So we parked up at Market Bosworth, tied all the relevant knots so that we would have a boat to come back to and set off up the hill to find somewhere that was open for food after 9pm (not that we had a food shortage on the boat!!).
We found a lovely Indian restaurant called Simla Peppers which was happy for a party of ten to descend on them from out of nowhere so we ordered the beers and waited for our food to arrive, feeling very pleased with ourselves and all that we had done.
A great day out on the high seas and we were beginning to feel more confident in handling the boat.
Saturday 13 May
It was time to say bye to Siobhan who had to go home as her father-in-law-to-be had been hospitalised. Sad to see her go at such an early stage but we heard later that he was ok so a good outcome there.
It was a good start to the morning with a great view and bacon butties for breakfast...
Then it was time to do the five daily checks. Luckily enough of us had remembered what they were and as we had parked right by a water tap (where you weren't supposed to!) we were able to top up the water supply as well.
Sue put her hand into the unknown to see what we had brought along with us around the propeller - not much as it turned out.
But we decided that this was because we had minced and food processed everything to a pulp with so much revving of the engine!!And by Day 2 we had worked out that that the water spout spilling out all over the floor meant that the water tank was FULL.
On Day 1 we just watched it flow around our feet...
Today we had a crew 'uniform' - not sure if we looked like girl guides, bank employees or air hostesses (thanks Sally!) in our polo shirts and jaunty sailor scarves but it was fun - and the source of a few raised eyebrows, quizzical looks and comments as we sailed on down the canal.
We had the usual chaos trying to line up for a group photo and had to manage without Carol N being there to give us the sobering thought of 'dead kittens' to help us attain the appropriate facial expression!
As you can see Janice was definitely there - but somehow we managed to lose her in the final line up on some of the pics.
So with checks done and with batteries and bellies fully charged we were off again.
By this time we had learned that even if you shouted very loudly there was no way that anyone could hear from the front to the back of the boat or vice versa so all communication was by scurrying backwards and forwards or hand signals.And even the hand signals didn't work sometimes! Chris was signalling frantically from the front but the steering crew at the back weren't sure what was happening and slowed down, thinking that they were about to hit something.
Turns out that she was showing us a woodpecker in a tree...
We weren't going at any great speed at this point and Sue was walking along the towpath. She disappeared into the distance and had time for a walk into the next village, wander round and probably a snooze before we caught up with her.
As it was looking a bit grey to start with we decided to pop the Darth Vaders on in case we got caught out and had another drenching like the previous day - we were taking no chances as we were running out of dry shoes!
Sue took photos of the bridges as we passed them.
One of the phrases most commonly used whilst sitting at the pointy end was the observation 'It's a strategic manoeuvre...' a generous assessment of why the boat was lurching off course - with an optimistic hope that it would be righted before anything was hit and people once again had to put their drinks down and man the mop.
When the wrongs weren't righted in time this quite often resulted in the use of another well worn phrase - 'Prepare for impact!...' which meant grab hold of the nearest glass and/or bottle (and any plates of nibbles if you had a free hand and were quick enough), brace yourself, wait for the thud, do the meercat peek above the parapet to assess the situation and see how much panic there was at the steering end and then deploy mop or pole as the occasion demanded.
Once again the pole saw a lot of action! 
In fact Sue didn't have a lot of luck as the following morning Carole tried to reach over Sue in stealth mode while she (Sue) was snoozing in bed to retrieve her glasses - and ended up dinking her on the head with them.
Luckily Sue recovered quickly from both incidents.
Time for a lunch stop. We'd all done rather well and were feeling very pleased with ourselves. No roles were assigned to anyone and the jobs were just being done by those nearest or those most capable.
We didn't need a leader - 'No cox on this boat!' declared Jeanette!
Change of crew again - for elf n safety purposes I'm sure ..ahem... that this crew had a Designated Driver at all times.
We then headed towards the tunnel with Carole steering skillfully at the helm.
It was a long, dark and slightly scary tunnel! Even more scary for Carole who was steering quite literally in the dark!
Back out into the daylight and we soon reached the turning circle at Shackerstone.
Luckily someone had read the blurb and found out that our boat was too long to reverse direction right at the end of the canal so this was where we needed to turn. There seemed to be some sort of social gathering and barbecue going on so there were plenty of spectators to watch us manoeuvre and offer advice (mostly with pints in their hands!).
As the wind kept blowing us off our line and this was also a small turning circle for such a large boat we eventually had to give in and throw the rope to one of the men to pull us round (think this was the 'darlin' incident but we were at the other end of the boat and didn't hear it).
Apparently whilst offering advice on what we should do that man called someone on our steering party 'darling' - it did not go down well but he was on the path and we needed to be pulled round, so needs must and all that...
We felt obliged to stop for a quick wander round to buy a bit of bric-a-brac to support the Canals Trust but then we found that they were selling ice creams so we were very happy!
One of the things the man at our briefing had stressed most strongly was that the centre rope was our FRIEND!! He went on to say that it was so useful for steadying and moving the boat and he emphasised how easy it was, saying that a ten year old could do it.
HE LIED! Only the ten year old love child of the Incredible Hulk and Superman would be able to heave that boat to the side - we should know as we tried it in all combinations!!...
In the end we didn't have many photos of us all on the centre rope - quite probably because most of us were hanging onto it and trying to pull!
Later someone also told us that the water in the canal was about a foot lower than normal and it was also quite silted and churned in places so half the time we were probably trying to drag the boat over mud and weeds.
Another crew change - by this time we had evolved with no effort or planning into two crews so it was nice to be either on or off duty and enjoy the passing scenery. We were both A teams but for ease of recognition we will call them the Gin Haze crew (no explanation necessary but as long as we kept them topped up they did great steering!): Carole, Linda, Jeanette and Chris. The other group were the Tiller in the Tree crew (probably better abbreviated to TITs!!): Janice, Pat and Wendy with guest appearances from Rosemary and Sue who were deployed for both sides. More of how the TITs got their name shortly...
The view from the front of the boat was entirely different to the one at the back so both crews did a lot of back seat driving whilst they were at the front and at the first sign of imminent danger the heads at the front would pop up like meercats to see what was happening at the back. Then you would hear the engine going into reverse and the mop would be taken down at the front and the pole would be deployed at the back. Very funny - and very frequent at first.
Some of the bends and bridges were quite angled and were often close together so they were tricky to negotiate. Sometimes if one of the on duty steering crew had managed a tricky manoeuvre without incident then one of the off duty other crew would pop down to offer a 'well done, good driving' or a meercat would appear above the door at the other end of the boat with a thumbs up or a raised glass. Also very funny.
Janice, Pat and I gave those at the front a bit of a fright when we decided to take a selfie.
With hindsight it would have been better to ensure that we had a good line on where we were going before we attempted it and we were soon made aware of all the meercat heads at the front waving frantically at us as we veered totally oblivious towards the bank. It wasn't a great selfie but it was all we had time for...
We then did the same thing a few minutes later as we tried to take out coats off. You live and learn!...
And after I mixed up my left and right and bumped into a boat we called these 'Wendy moments' - even if it wasn't me...
(Off duty crew at the front..
'Ooh we're getting a bit near to that boat'
'Don't worry, they must have seen it and will change course'
'Yes, they'll do that any second now'
'Oh they don't seem to be turning'
'Hang on to your glasses - think we're going to hi...'
BANG...)
So - with the TITs at the tiller (and probably some worried people at the front) we set off back into the darkness.
We negotiated the tunnel without incident and chugged on. As we were on a straight bit we asked Rosemary if she wanted to try a bit of gentle left handed steering.
She did.
Mistake...
It was all going well and we were gently tootling along so Pat, Janice and I were lounging in front of Rosemary as she steered, enjoying the scenery. Suddenly there was a cry of 'The tiller's in the tree!' so we threw the boat into neutral and looked up to see that the tiller was indeed stuck in a tree and that Rosemary was disappearing down into the cabin.
We negotiated the tunnel without incident and chugged on. As we were on a straight bit we asked Rosemary if she wanted to try a bit of gentle left handed steering.
She did.
Mistake...
It was all going well and we were gently tootling along so Pat, Janice and I were lounging in front of Rosemary as she steered, enjoying the scenery. Suddenly there was a cry of 'The tiller's in the tree!' so we threw the boat into neutral and looked up to see that the tiller was indeed stuck in a tree and that Rosemary was disappearing down into the cabin.
No idea how it happened. No idea where she found a tree from but the tiller was right in the middle of it and well stuck. Up came the meercat heads from the front. Out came the pole as Pat and Janice tried to push us away from the bank while I tried to unwind the tiller and the railing from the tree.
Once those at the front had realised what had happened Sue and Chris jumped onto the bank to get the pole to push from the front as the mop wasn't long enough. It was like a scene from the Keystone Cops...
For quite a while no one was able to do anything for laughing and we all stood there with legs crossed and tears in our eyes. Think that was the fastest that Rosemary moved all weekend. She was not allowed to steer again...
On we went - past Pat's back passage...
... and past the elusive heron.
We got to Congerstone at a sensible time - we were getting more confident now. So off we went to the Horse and Jockey for our evening meal.We presented Carole with her prize for being best at steering and navigating - a card with a drawing of THE TUNNEL!
The food was lovely and quite 'cheffy' but even so seeing pork belly and MAGPIE on the menu was a bit unexpected - until we realised that we'd misread it.
Janice and I also had a bit of a surreal moment when we were coming back from the loos - in the wrong direction - so Janice accidentally took us into the broom cupboard...Another wonky photo as we were laughing so much.
So the end of our first full day of messing about on the canal. Long periods of sitting around eating, drinking, steering and enjoying the views then short bursts of frantic activity either trying to bring the boat in to park (technical) it or push it off to float it.
All loads of fun and lots of laughs.
Sunday 14 May
Heavy rain during the night but more glorious views and some sunshine to start off the day.
Another leisurely breakfast looking out at another beautiful view.
Janice heard a clunk as she was rinsing a glass and realised that she'd accidentally washed up Rosemary's earrings which she'd put in the glass for safe keeping!
Then it was off to do the boat checks with Sue once more bravely putting her hand into the unknown to see what gunk had wrapped round the propeller.They were getting the hang of it now.
The bottles in the kitchen were steadily being transferred from the full to the empty side.
The walkers broke into a gentle jog to try to overtake the boat but soon gave that up as too much like exercise.You need to be careful about sudden movements when you reach a certain age...
So tranquil and such stunning scenery with all the glorious spring colours in the sunshine.
A bit more pole action... the weather just kept getting better as we made out way back towards Market Bosworth where we stopped for another short walk and a drink in the sunshine. Nice to see the town in the daylight.
We sat in the hotel beer garden and Pat wandered off to the loo. She came back sniffing her hands saying 'ooh I've just found some lovely hand cream'. We decided that she was speaking in euphemisms so several of us went off to 'try the hand cream' as Rosemary had instructed us to do.
Then it was time to go back for lunch and eat some of the food mountain we had acquired.
'Cake?' said Janice to Jeanette 'Biscuit?''Ooh yes please' said Jeanette 'One of each - I'll need the biscuit as a plate for my cake...'
We tried to do a stealthy rubbish drop at the Marina but couldn't find anywhere to leave it so it came back on board.
This time we had moored away from the water taps but as they were just the other side of the bridge we decided that it would be quicker to pull the boat to fill up rather than try and manoeuvre there. This was when we needed Roger - Linda's horse.
Pat eyed up the passing trade as she was thinking about opening a little cafe with all the food we had on the boat which we weren't eating...
Crew change back to the TITs and we were off again.
We managed a selfie this time while Janice kept a bit of an eye on the road ahead.
Another short walk to the site of the Battle of Bosworth.
Carole decided to fall out of the boat at this point - onto the path rather than in the water so things could have been a lot worse but she had a few scrapes and bruises. Hope they weren't too painful. She soon recovered enough to treat us to a battle reenactment with Sue.
A bit of culture as we wandered round the site.
The shield of Sir John Saveloy - he was a little sausage!...
Back onto the boat for our final stretch with the Gin Haze crew in charge.
Not quite sure who was Designated Driver at this point - think they'd chucked him overboard for making remarks like 'Ten women on your own?? Where's all your husbands??'!
But they were all very jolly and not hitting anything so it was all good.
One of the more unusual boats was quite gothic with a coffin on top - sort of Hell's Angels of the waterways. As the canal is only fairly short we saw several of the boats twice as they puttered up and down and passed us again - and people recognised us and waved or chatted - can't think why we made such an impression!
The pace was slow enough that you could have a short conversation as you were moving along. Actually, thinking about it, some of them were probably those boats who had to wait patiently until we could get ourselves back into some sort of straight line after blocking the canal sideways...
Everyone was very friendly and helpful - apart from a man on one boat who rapped on the window and told the Gin Haze crew off for speeding!! If he was able to rap on the window we obviously weren't going that fast...
So that was it. We arrived back at base and Carole did her final manoeuvre to park us tidily up behind the other boats. With great timing Janice's husband Simon arrived to pick her up just minutes later.
But they couldn't go until we had done our last few photos...
A few group shots in the last of the sunshine...
... and a quick measure of our boat! It was THHHIIIIISSSS long!
We said goodbye to Janice and then disposed of all the empties.
Lots of them.
General consensus was that we didn't want to cook so we phoned up for a pizza delivery and put the table up for the first time.
Very cramped with just 8 of us!
Time for Sue and I to leave and for the rest of them to have their last night on the boat with a little more space!
So - not sure what happened from here - apart from the usual flurry of posts asking 'who does this belong to?' and 'has anyone seen?..' (which to be fair were mostly things that Sue and I had lost or left!)
The end of a very successful trip in which the Class of 67 pick up yet another useful skill and discover how to drive a boat!
We learned three things from our trip:
1: The boat is very LONG and you need a megaphone or walkie talkie to communicate from front to back unless you like the exercise of running backwards and forwards.
2: The boat needs a pole at both ends for pushing off - there are times when a mop just doesn't cut the mustard - unless you like the exercise of running backwards and forwards.
3: Locks now sound appealing as surely canals with locks must be STRAIGHTER and will therefore have less bends, meaning fewer angles to get stuck on, therefore negating the need to do so much running backwards and forwards!!
Conclusion:
Did we enjoy it?
YES
Will we do it again?
YES DEFINITELY
Thanks to everyone for another successful outing. Here's to the next one!...
What a great weekend we had, well done on remembering it all for the blog Wendy.
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